To feed the ducks, he
must feed the ducks before they die of starvation. No-one goes to that river
any more, the forgotten footsteps are nothing but future fossils and artifacts.
The lone bench, the bench which has been sat on by many he is sure, however, Lucien
sits there alone. He has been sitting alone a long time now, 45 minutes to be
exact. As soon as he awakes from his slumber, he must go and feed the ducks.
When he leaves the river, his day has no real shape and routine, it always
leads to the ducks. Today, It rains, the
bread, damp and dripping, sticking to the carrier bag where it resides, still
appeals to the ducks. He ponders, the ducks, eat the damp bread and provide
company, and he provides the food, fair trade for a lonely old man as he sparks
up a cigarette.
“Where would you guys be without me?” asks Lucien.
Lucien has become one with the scenery. Today, dressed with his green waterproof jacket, brown felt trousers, green willies, topped off with a green hat. The new smell barely lingers on the now overused green jacket. It was once a green bean green, however, it has now deteriorated into a hunter green, dark and ridged color. Lucien is interested with technology, he pulls out his android, and begins to text his daughter who’s name eludes him. He then checks on the weather,
“Its going to rain”
He doesn’t sound worried though, as he places the phone back into his pocket. The damp grass already, his favourite smell in the world is wet grass, it puts various pictures into his mind; some from his childhood, frolicking in the fields, even though his mother told him not to. When he was in the war, he used to evade bullets, by diving in the grass, now, he evades home, by smelling it.
“Where would you guys be without me?” asks Lucien.
Lucien has become one with the scenery. Today, dressed with his green waterproof jacket, brown felt trousers, green willies, topped off with a green hat. The new smell barely lingers on the now overused green jacket. It was once a green bean green, however, it has now deteriorated into a hunter green, dark and ridged color. Lucien is interested with technology, he pulls out his android, and begins to text his daughter who’s name eludes him. He then checks on the weather,
“Its going to rain”
He doesn’t sound worried though, as he places the phone back into his pocket. The damp grass already, his favourite smell in the world is wet grass, it puts various pictures into his mind; some from his childhood, frolicking in the fields, even though his mother told him not to. When he was in the war, he used to evade bullets, by diving in the grass, now, he evades home, by smelling it.
The questioanlbe mental state of the character is great and I really like it. I think the beginning is just fun to read and a fabulous hook into a greater narrative. The ending is nice too, the image is well crafted and once again, hints at a whole lot more. I'd love to see more in fact.
ReplyDeleteHowever, you have a serious need of editing my friend. There are some massive problems with sentence structure in places, and some moments, like "the new smell" which seem to come out of nowhere and make little sence. I would finally like to add to this critique that they're called "wellies" you stupid daego. I cartainly hope your charcater isn't actually wearing a pair of dicks.
Peace and harmony you filthy foreigner.